My favorite Tweets January 9th-15th

Send help. All my gf talks about is Kristen Stewart liking women now.

— TaylorAileenHarrison (@goldieharrison) January 10, 2015

I want E-40 to officiate my wedding more than I want world peace.

— ✨fine ass feminist✨ (@holleratme) January 15, 2015

.@MaraWritesStuff this is what happened when I tried to google "women oscars snubbed" #priorities pic.twitter.com/5TL4L5N7pt

— Andrew Briedis (@AndrewBriedis) January 15, 2015

When I look at kids in their twenties out at the bars I think "your whole life is in front if you!*" *your whole miserable life

— rachael (@WookieOnUnicorn) January 15, 2015

The One Where Ross Isn't The Worst pic.twitter.com/Ee6OPMyxoF

— LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs) January 11, 2015

A human man just told me "Well, that's showbiz!" via Grindr

— Carey O'Donnell (@ecareyo) January 14, 2015

I wanna take the time to talk about people who hashtag their child's first and middle name on Instagram because they need our help.

— ♡ A L E X I S ♡ (@sassyblackdiva) January 16, 2015

if there's one thing i love more than freedom, it's speech. combine those two bad boys together? oh babey thats a tasty stew for daddy

— best matt brady imo (@mattvbrady) January 13, 2015

I bet Charlie Bucket's last living grandparent was secretly waiting to have a bed to herself. pic.twitter.com/GaWSobLAtV

— Libby Thomas (@notlibby) December 5, 2014

Girls have so many pillows on their beds because we have different ones for sleeping, punching, screaming into, and humping

— ⚡️Callipygian Muse⚡️ (@CalliopeTreize) January 12, 2015

why don't I employ clickbait more in my daily life? I'm gonna start titling emails "You'll Never Guess The Insane Story In This Message"

— Ann Midori (@ann_midori) January 12, 2015

I don't know why people say "love thy haters". I fucking hate my haters. They're assholes.

— Annie Preece (@foureyedannie) January 11, 2015

Okay so the words are gonna be "money money money money. money" but the fifth money should sound like a train of screaming souls rolling in

— Two Thousand Morey (@thats_a_morey) January 10, 2015